Tech: "DSL is a lot faster. It--"

Customer: "Yeah, but if you have DSL, there are a lot of threats."

Tech: "Yes, that's true to a degree, but there are firewalls that--"

Customer: "No, but they can hack into your computer even when it's off and steal your electricity."

Tech: "Umm...I'm pretty sure that won't happen."

Customer: "It's all over the news. You mean to tell me they're wrong?"

Tech: "...I guess so."

************************************************************************************

Customer: "Hi, I'd like to buy a virus."

Tech: "You really don't want a virus on your computer. What you need is anti-virus software."

Customer: "No, my son told me I need a virus, and that's what I'd like."

Tech: "No worries. You don't need to buy a virus -- you can just connect to the internet and download one for free."

************************************************************************************

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

 Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"

Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

**********************************************************************************

• Tech Support: "Thank you for calling. May I have your phone number beginning with area code first, please?"

There was a pregnant pause, then a series of touch tones.

• Tech Support: "Hello? I need your phone number, please."

More touch tones.

• Tech Support: "Hi, can you hear me?"
• Customer: "Yes."
• Tech Support: "Great, then can you please tell me your phone number so I can pull up your file?"

More touch tones.

• Tech Support: "Sir, what's your name?"
• Customer: [name]
• Tech Support: "Great, now can you tell me your phone number?"

Touch tones again.

• Tech Support: "Please, tell me your phone number."
• Customer: "Again?"
• Tech Support: "Yes sir, if you don't mind, but can you please just tell me verbally?"

Touch tones yet again.

• Tech Support: "Sir, contrary to popular opinion, support is not half machine. I'll need you to verbally tell me your phone number with your mouth so I can bring up your account info, got it?"
• Customer: "You people are rude as well as incompetent."

Click.

***********************************************************************************

• Tech Support: "I need you to click on the 'Start' button."
• Customer: "Where is that?"
• Tech Support: "It's on the bottom left hand corner of your screen."
• Customer: "..."
• Tech Support: "Did you find it?"
• Customer: "Ahhh.... No. I don't see it."
• Tech Support: "Look closely at your screen. In the bottom...left...corner."
• Customer: "I don't see it. I only see button that says 'Control'."
• Tech Support: "No ma'am, that's on the keyboard. The 'Start' button is on the bottom left corner of your screen. You know, the monitor. The thing that looks like a TV."
• Customer: "Aaahhhh, yes!!! Ok."
• Tech Support: "..."
• Customer: "..."
• Tech Support: "Well, did you find it?"
• Customer: "No. I still only see 'Control'."

 

***************************************************************************************

• Customer: "Hello, is this tech support?"
• Tech Support: "Yes, it is; what is the nature of the problem you're having?"
• Customer: "I can't seem to power this thing up."
• Tech Support: "If you are unable to boot your computer, sir, I suggest you contact the manufacturer. This is Internet technical support."
• Customer: "Computer?"
• Tech Support: "Yes, your computer."
• Customer: "I don't have a computer."
• Tech Support: "What is the item you are having difficulty with?"
• Customer: "My new lawn mower."
• Tech Support: (stifling a giggle) "Sir, you have reached Internet technical support. I suggest you double-check the number and try again."
• Customer: "No, I'm sure I got it right. Are you going to send anybody out to fix this damn thing?"
• Tech Support: "Sir, we do not support lawn mowers. Please check the number and try it again."
• Customer: "What kind of *@#%! service is this? *&$#^ you! I wasn't born yesterday, you know!" (click)

Ah the life of a techie - Ive got a friend whos the IT manager of a major oil company here in Calgary and you should HEAR some of the stories he has.

Thanks for the laughs Long and its good to see ya back!

Take care....

Wil

I bet organisational computer problem solving underwent a revolution the day they worked out how to remote control a computer.

Haven't been here for a long time, i wish u all the best