The Funny Side of Christmas

Peter Dickinson
The threat of Christmas hung in the air, visible already in the fretful look of passersby as they readied themselves for the meaningless but necessary rites of false jovialities and ill-considered gifts.

Max Lucado, God Came Near
Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And were it not for a group of stargazers, there would have been no gifts.

Dave Barry
Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.

Ogden Nash
People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.

Katharine Whitehorn, Roundabout
From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

Frank McKinney Hubbard
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes
Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?

Dave Barry, Christmas Shopping
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukka' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukka!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'

W. J. Cameron
There has been only one Christmas -- the rest are anniversaries.

Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol
Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!"

Celebrities Talk About Christmas

Bob Hope
When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things -- not the great occasions -- give off the greatest glow of happiness.

Joan Rivers
The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.

Bart Simpson
Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.

Erma Bombeck
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

Bernard Manning
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

Bing Crosby
Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it 'white'.

Margaret Thatcher
Christmas is a day of meaning and traditions, a special day spent in the warm circle of family and friends.

Calvin Coolidge
Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.

Bart Simpson
Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know… the birth of Santa.

Bob Hope
My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?